if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
