My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
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