What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
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