Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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