I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
