How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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