there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
My dick has a subreddit
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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