worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Randomize