i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
