the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
