Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize