plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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