Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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