Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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