At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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