Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
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