i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
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