Grow some girl-balls and come out already
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
