Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
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