so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
