I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
