dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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