Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
