Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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