He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
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