Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
