The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
