you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
