your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize
