She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
