Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
