I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
I have post one night stand depression
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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