"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Randomize
