4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
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