just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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