After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
