Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
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