I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
