I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
