Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
