I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
