Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize