I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Randomize
