I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Randomize
