I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
