I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
