i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
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