okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize