You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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