Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Randomize
