Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
