drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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