I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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