I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
