broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
