Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
