Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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