I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
go do what you do best...puke behind churches
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
