i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Randomize
