And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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