man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Never underestimate the power of titties
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
