I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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