I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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