As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
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